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Sunday, July 2, 2017

Alpaca My Bags Again

Alpaca My Bags Again
Sunday, July 2, 2017
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First off, I'm going to make your eyes roll so hard you're gonna lose them by saying, I used to cross-fit. I know, I know.. but it was said to prove a point: I know a little bit about pushing your body to the limit. Like, throwing up in a bucket nearest you and "omfg I can't believe I just lifted a bunch of medal plates twice the weight of my body above my shoulders and were able to keep my mother effin' knees".  So once I've reached my PR (personal record), I dropped the weights and called it quits. I came. I conquered. I am fcken done.

I'm grateful for my best friend at the time who pushed me to do this madness. Because I've built up muscle memory. So yes, I can quit the gym for months, but when I get back into it, I get my muscles back a bit quicker. With that said, I like to believe I am fairly fit -- not 100% but I'd like to say 70% there.

But none of that matters when you're climbing up 17,000 ft up Rainbow Mountain. Or when you decided to take the hardest route through Machu Picchu under the unforgiving sun. It doesn't matter when you're so high up there in the altitude, there's not enough oxygen for you - you start to talk to yourself even more and hallucinate- even though you're already crazy before your trip to Peru. It didn't matter that during our insane, mental, and excruciating, beautiful 5 hour Rainbow Mountain hike, we wanted to roll off the side of the cliff to end our misery. We have come to realize that we ain't shit and that we should really lay off on all the ice cream.

Nevertheless, we did it all. We saw one of the Seven World Wonders and pushed our body to the limit to witness a wonderful natural phenomenon -- 'Cause God knows how much longer it'll last with the climate changing.

Peru, thank you for an insane trip that has put myself inside my own head. There's no money in the world that can help me know myself a little better.


Machu Picchu, Peru


Wearing: Scapes Forecast Tunic 


I die a little inside every time I look at this pic. THAT BABY ALPACA THO!! 



Rainbow Mountain, Peru

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Peruvian (E)Scapes

Peruvian (E)Scapes
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
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I've done vacationing differently for the past few years. Instead of the typical laying on the beach, margarita in hand, sun melting off my face types of vacation, I've been going on adventures. Although, the melting off my face while indulging in liquid goodness is pretty ideal for me; I was set out to have the type of adventures where my Instagram can show the aesthetics of all those travel profiles you've been pinning and saving. Yes, that was the low key goal. 

But my ultimate goal was to have a humbling experience -- the kind that makes you feel small, the kind that makes you want to donate to the less fortunate, the kind that makes you want to spread awareness, the kind that reaches your spiritual self, the kind that taught you a little more about your limits. 

And I recently found that all in Peru. 

Stay tuned for my Peru series and hear how I climbed up a mountain for 5 hours and not remember ANY of it. 

_Scapes NY Golden Hour Jacket


Saturday, April 22, 2017

Shifted

Shifted
Saturday, April 22, 2017
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Photos by Karina Munoz 

The last time I was here, I was on my way to bury a second loved one due to cancer. I am a different person now since then, as if that wasn't life changing enough. Who knew just a week or so after the burial, another dagger hit my already sore heart. Another death -- this one was somberly different. It was way too sudden. Caught us all off guard. Got us dizzy with questions. Got us panicking to find a relief in the form of answers. The burden was too real and I was running out of black to wear. Something I didn't know could be possible.

I went through ups and downs dealing with this. One minute I was shut off emotionally. The next, I am a wave of emotion. I had to compose myself for my family and be the rock. Sometime the charade was exhausting. I had several therapy sessions to make sense of it and to be "okay" with what just happened. Still trying to understand what happened. And to accept that this was once a familiar feeling that I've almost been through. But it's okay. We're okay. I'm okay.

I'm not going to dwell on this subject as time has healed us a tiny bit. We're taking it day by day -- Kinda like drinking :) But like every obstacle, we learn from it. We learn a little bit more about ourselves. About our mental health. About our strengths and weaknesses. About our limits and expectations. About how human we all are.

And I wish that you will find this peace with yourself -- even if it's for a quick minute. It is liberating to almost find yourself and to get to know yourself a little better. What makes you tick? What makes you creative? What brings you peace? What is it that you want to do and not what others want to do? Saying "no" gets easier. Doing things for yourself gets more rewarding and less guilty. You spend your time a little more wisely.

I was cocooned in self doubt and unhappiness. Now I am choosing to escape and shed my old skin. Choosing and working onto holding that inner peace. Because you are all you got till the end. So be a kinder friend to yourself and live a little more. And do what I did...dye your hair platinum blonde to celebrate a new era (Thanks Olaplex and Carlina for the hurr! <3)

Mango Jacket | Thursday Boots Boots 








Thursday, January 19, 2017

Death Trap

Death Trap
Thursday, January 19, 2017
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Visuals by @Germaine_Alvarado




"Life is too short" has got to the be most cheesiest yet the most realest single phrase known to a ten year old. I can't help but to roll my eyes with a smirk whenever this statement is used as a comforting support to a seemingly trivial dilemma. But this time around, the one-liner hit uncomfortably and too closely to home. It carried a heavier and darker meaning. I will be going to my second funeral this Sunday within a month of loved ones due to cancer. It's that easy. It's unexpected. And it happens really freakin' fast -- and to anyone.

Something about being healthy with the weak. Something about being able to walk away from the standstills. Something about saying goodbye to the silent. 

Something about remembering what it's like when everything was alright. It makes you just shut yourself out and think: Damn, we're really fragile, and sh.t just happens without any warning or explanation. And within that moment, you realize - even if it's for a short bit - that your everyday problems does not compare to anything when you're facing death. 'Cause that's something you can't fix.

So as I am facing family with tear stroked faces and memories spilling out from our hearts, I am constantly reminding myself that Jay Z was a genius and freakin' right, "you got one life to live". This is it and all you've got. Don't waste it being unhappy and to just simply live your life. Love your life. And be the best version of yourself as you can be. 


Because life is too short.






Monday, January 9, 2017

From Rumi

From Rumi
Monday, January 9, 2017
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"When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety..."


"If I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain..."



"From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me..."


"There is is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it."

-- Rumi

Thanks for the enlightenment, Rumi. Didn't even know how much I needed it.



Friday, December 30, 2016

Dear 2017

Dear 2017
Friday, December 30, 2016
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(@ The New Museum)
I wish:

To take care of myself better
To see more things
To feel more...feelings
To finally beat that dumb level on that dumb iPhone game
To learn bigger and greater things
Like...baking.

I hope to:

Surround myself with better people
Communicate my thoughts, aches, and joys easily
Read more damn freakin' books
Volunteer often



I promise to:

Self love more
Care less more
Let go more
Visit my parents more
Eat more...vegetables
Reach out more
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