Saturday, April 22, 2017


                                                                                                             "Running out of black to wear."

Photos by Karina Munoz 

The last time I was here, I was on my way to bury a second loved one due to cancer. I am a different person now since then, as if that wasn't life changing enough. Who knew just a week or so after the burial, another dagger hit my already sore heart. Another death -- this one was somberly different. It was way too sudden. Caught us all off guard. Got us dizzy with questions. Got us panicking to find a relief in the form of answers. The burden was too real and I was running out of black to wear. Something I didn't know could be possible.

I went through ups and downs dealing with this. One minute I was shut off emotionally. The next, I am a wave of emotion. I had to compose myself for my family and be the rock. Sometime the charade was exhausting. I had several therapy sessions to make sense of it and to be "okay" with what just happened. Still trying to understand what happened. And to accept that this was once a familiar feeling that I've almost been through. But it's okay. We're okay. I'm okay.

I'm not going to dwell on this subject as time has healed us a tiny bit. We're taking it day by day -- Kinda like drinking :) But like every obstacle, we learn from it. We learn a little bit more about ourselves. About our mental health. About our strengths and weaknesses. About our limits and expectations. About how human we all are.

And I wish that you will find this peace with yourself -- even if it's for a quick minute. It is liberating to almost find yourself and to get to know yourself a little better. What makes you tick? What makes you creative? What brings you peace? What is it that you want to do and not what others want to do? Saying "no" gets easier. Doing things for yourself gets more rewarding and less guilty. You spend your time a little more wisely.

I was cocooned in self doubt and unhappiness. Now I am choosing to escape and shed my old skin. Choosing and working onto holding that inner peace. Because you are all you got till the end. So be a kinder friend to yourself and live a little more. And do what I did...dye your hair platinum blonde to celebrate a new era (Thanks Olaplex and Carlina for the hurr! <3)

Mango Jacket | Thursday Boots Boots 

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