Thursday, March 1, 2018

Friends With No Benefits

"... I'm going to catch up and do a summary: I got engaged and you really do find out who your real friends are."

Photos by Steven Chen

Friends who want benefits - Not the sexual kind and no, it doesn't tickle your pickle (no sex pun intended??). It's the kind you didn't noticed being manipulated and patronized by. The kind you didn't think you needed to watch your back. You get this betrayal from individuals who pretended to be your companion, puts on a fake smile and a show, say what they needed to say only to get to your network. You had no idea that it added up to them deeming themselves a friend to you when it is at most convenient for them. The egocentric side of them amplifies against any of your good news. Are they smiling in happiness for you? Or are they just showing teeth to keep up the charade?

Since my hiatus from writing, I have been living my life and going through shit that gave me enough materials to even make a freakin' novel about it. But I'm going to catch up and do a summary: I got engaged and you really do find out who your real friends are.

In order not to steer away and go off on the topic of "toxic friends" in general, I'm going to try to keep it simply based off on the correlation between what's going to be one of the best day of my life and the behavior of self-satisfied friends who couldn't be genuinely happy for me. No mistake, it all bleeds into the "shitty friend" category. We just don't got all damn day to go into depth. 

"I'm SO happy for you!" But their facial expression doesn't say so.
"Omg how excitingggg." But they don't want to hear anything about it. 
"OMG that's great." But somehow they quickly change the subject and steered the conversation onto them for the remainder of your time together.

The lack of support to the words of encouragement they gave me simply doesn't match up. Their actions spoke to volumes that if it's not about them, they don't care. Selfishness at it's finest. Somehow, they made my wedding about themselves. I've gotten into an argument with one and somehow, me getting married or my planning process was not lining up with their life or plans, and wrote me off as a bad guy. Yeah, I know. Crazy. Still a bit confused about that one. In some way, my pending nuptial is of inconvenience to them. Or simply, I didn't do it in a way that puts them on a pedestal. I also have one "friend" that sort of RSVP'd "No" because she might not feel well on my wedding day. It is March and my wedding is in October. Give me this magic ball you have sweet girl. I have some questions to ask myself about the future. 

Contrary to belief for some, I'm really not a Bridezilla and I in general, hate talking about myself. It's an insecurity thing, I don't think I'm interesting- ask my therapist. I really do try to keep the wedding talk to a minimum; I have single friends, friends struggling with real life, friends who got other exciting news to share, they don't want to hear about my shit. But it really made me raise a brow and more aware when I finally have something to talk about, they don't want to hear it, NEVER ask anything about me in general, let alone the planning process. It's as if they would get a rash from hearing me speak about what's exciting to me at the moment. I've come to realize that this person throughout our friendship, never actually invested in my well-being as I did with them. It only took something life changing enough for me to see this. Check this one example: In a group setting, when a mutual ask me about my engagement, this immodest "friend" stayed silent. Bearing teeth to pass as a smile. I Swore she probably had held her breathe. I could tell on her face that she could not wait till this topic was over so someone can ask her questions about herself. Pass her the baton! Oh! Thank goodness, she is talking again. What a relief. 

It really does shed light to see who's really down for you. Who is genuinely happy to see you glow and could not wait to see me at the alter. I have strangers treating me better. But some people just can't seem to think of others besides themselves. It had sadden me that the people I had adored showed me the kind of betrayal that was given simply because I was happy. Their pettiness, passive aggressiveness made me feel like I am not righteous to have this much bliss about this whole experience. Quite simply, they took that happiness away from this moment of mine. And that's not who I want to bring with me in the next chapter in my life. That's not who I want to celebrate with when they're just a snake in sheep's skin. It really made me appreciate the genuine friends I do have. Even made me closer to them.

And to be honest, Justin and I won't be too sad if they don't show up on our wedding day. It will save us some money and leave us room in the budget to get some dope ass fireworks. Onward and forward. Here's to 2018, a year that has already been so good to us.

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